i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
