dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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