Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
