he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
