What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
