I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
