i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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