She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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