He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
