Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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