I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
