My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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