at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
