i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
