My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
