dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't deserve a penis
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
