Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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