Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
