Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
