I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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