I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
