We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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