I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
