As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
