I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
