sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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