A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
