Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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