YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
