It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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