You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
