i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
