I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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