He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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