you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
