woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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