Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
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