I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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