I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
