Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
