I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
