Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
two words: eviction party
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
false alarm, still single
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