If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
