I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and she was petting her beer can
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
