I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
