I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
