Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
