i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
two words...techno handjob
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
