Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
