i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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