I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
