he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
