He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
