Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
