My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
