So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
