I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
