I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
