If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
