just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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