i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
