Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
