No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
