I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They took my balls.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
