Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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