I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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